Protect the children – strengthen the families!
It is wonderful that we may live – isn´t it? Did you ever think about that? We like to show you what human life means and why it has to be inviolable again. We are convinced that the protection of life should be a matter of all people. An important precondition of a child-orientated society is the intact family. That is why we are active on the behalf of the importance of the family so that this knowledge is engraved in the public conscience again. We cordially invite you to inform youself by means of our homepage. 
Sincerely,


Johanna Gräfin von Westphalen
President of the foundation

15.11.2012

"How can it work with another child?" Unwanted pregnancy, now what?

 

Hanna, unintentionally pregnant, begins her conversation with the words: “Hello, my name is Hanna.  I need someone to talk to because I do not know what to do.  Hanna finds it difficult to speak, her voice hoarse and cracked.  In tears, she says, “Two days ago I learned that I am pregnant. Since then, I have been wondering if I could cope with an abortion, especially because I know that if I don’t have it something great will happen in 40 weeks.  But the circumstances just won’t let it happen.  The counselor feels the fear and anxiety of the pregnant woman; she wants to know what exactly ispressuring her.  Hanna, I can appreciate that right now you don’t know what to do.  This pregnancy has struck like lightning and has upset everything. What makes you most afraid at the moment?  The counselor asks in a calm, soft voice.  Hanna begins to talk about her life.  She is 35 years old, happily married and has two young daughters.  Her husband is very involved professionally, but tries as much as possible to be there for his family.  In particular, her youngest daughter needs a lot of attention.  She always has periods of extreme attachment and is completely fixated on her mother.  Hanna tries to give her youngest the closeness that she needs, but there are days when it's just too much and she clearly reaches her limits.  Hanna already feels guilty that she doesn’t spend enough time with her older daughter - how would it work with another child?  Hanna takes a deep breath after she has unburdened herself.  The counselor thinks back to the first words Hanna spoke.  She talked about the miracle in her body.  The counselor suspects that Hanna does not really want an abortion.  But Hanna, who is unintentionally pregnant, believes that, because she loves her other two children and wants to be fair to them, she has to abort this unborn child.  Hanna continues, “So far only my husband and I know about the pregnancy.  We both have the same concerns.  Andreas is afraid that I will not be able to handle the extra burden.  On the other hand, our greatest concern is that we will regret it, if we decide against this child.”

Hanna’s first sentences to the free advice hotline Pro Femina already say a lot about not only how the pregnant woman feels about her own situation, but also what thoughts and feelings occupy her day.  The counselor jotted down these first words and she always kept them in view throughout the counseling session.

The counselor thinks of how sensitive Hanna behaves towards her family, with so much care and attention that she sometimes forgets how much she gives.  “Hannah, you talk about your daughters so wonderfully and lovingly, although they both use up so much of your strength and attention,encourages the counselor.  “You are on the brink of such a momentous decision, which you cannot make under pressure.  I would wish you would give yourself a little more time to do some soul searching.  Imagine you had one wish: What would have to change, so that you could envision a future with a third child?”

Hanna thinks for a moment, but then she knows what would make it easier.  I need someone to help me with child care.”  Hanna continues to think, for a moment there is silence on the other end of the line.  “Maybe I could ask my mother if she could stop by more often in the afternoon.  The kids love her, she does not live far away and she is retiring at the end of the year.  Then sometimes we could take care of the children together and I wouldn’t feel like I was tearing myself apart so much,” Hanna replies.  "That is a great idea. It would certainly make your mother happy if she could see their grandchildren regularly,” says the counselor endorsing Hanna’s deliberations.

Wanting to confirm to Hanna that she obviously has another support person in her life, the counselor continues, “The way you tell it you have a loving husband at your side, who will protect you and worries about you.  What do you think your husband would say if you told him that you have decided for the child?

He would worry ...” Hanna replies, “but he would also say we can do it, having another child, I will help you, we will find a way

You and your husband seem a good team and to be very happy.”

Yes, we are very happy," Hanna answered.  After a brief pause she continues.  “Thank you, the conversation was very helpful.  It feels good when you are no longer left alone with your thoughts.  I think I will talk about everything with my husband again tonight.”

Hanna and the counselor end the call.  The next afternoon, the counselor calls the pregnant woman and asks how she's doing . Hanna has some good news, “The conversation with you has galvanized me to do what I really want.  My husband and I, we had a tearful night.  Even after a telephone conversation with my mother, who has promised us her help, we still have fear and respect for the tasks which await us.  Yet, I realize that in my heart I really want my baby and we'll have it. "

 

The Yes to Life Foundation promotes its project partner Pro Femina eV